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Monday, February 21, 2011

he move on

I know that I don't blog here anymore, but I wanted to publish this somewhere. If you happen to read it, leave a comment if you like. I'll try to check back in sometime soon. This is more for me I guess.



Wow. I don’t know where to start.

All I know is that I have an empty place inside of me. I can actually feel it physically and it is a sad, sad feeling.

I made a friend, or rather a buddy, a few weeks ago. He was everything I wanted in someone to pal around with.

Funny. We laughed constantly. He is a comedian. Not a pro (yet). But he will be if that is what he wants. He made up comic bits on the fly and I couldn’t quit laughing. Keeping me entertained is no easy thing. But he could make me laugh for days. Literally.

Talented. He plays acoustic guitar, writes his own songs, and sings so well it makes me all googley eyed.. You see, I am enthralled with men with that kind of talent. It is rare to find and it is one of the things that I love to have in my life. I miss hearing him play his clever, sweet and funny songs. I miss hearing him sing. I miss the way he smiles when he is playing and singing something amusing. It is heart-wrenching. There are a lot of musicians out there with a similar talent, but no one who captured my imagination like he did.

Sincere. We talked a lot about ourselves during our short friendship. I learned about his life so far, about what he is looking for in a girlfriend, about his dreams for the future. And I opened up with a few things about myself. And he listened. How rare is that?

Cuddle-able. One of the things I miss most about being separated from my husband is not having someone to lay down and cuddle with. My friend and I never had sex or anything close to it. We would just lay in bed and laugh and spoon each other or I would lay my head on his chest. It was so wonderful and comforting and it felt so good.

I miss him so much it makes me cry. And I have selfishly cried over my loss many times. I know that he never imagined that I would value our friendship so much. And truthfully, until it was gone I didn’t imagine it either. It’s like he crashed into my life, filled it up with himself, and then left it empty when he moved out of my life. He is so charismatic that he probably makes most people feel that way.

He tells me that we will still get together now and then. But he is busy and has moved ahead and I am so happy for him. I truly am.

He landed a great job working nights. At a comedy club no less. That way he can still go to school and get his degree. But it means no more music or tequila on the porch or staying up all night talking and laughing or cuddling.

He found a girlfriend who he is crazy about and makes him happy. He told me that when they are alone, they cook, watch movies, hang out. He sounds so happy to have found her. And I am glad that he did. But it means no more music or tequila on the porch or staying up all night talking and laughing or cuddling.

He asked me once why women hold on for so long. I told him that we were like puppies. If you are nice to us, we will desperately want to follow you home. It’s ironic isn’t it? I just never imagined myself as one of those puppies left on the side of the road crying longingly as I watched him move away.

It is said that people come into your life for a purpose. And there is a reason that they move out of your life.

Whatever the reason, I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.

I miss him.
Good luck, boy. I wish you only the best. Keep moving forward.
Maybe we’ll have a few shots of tequila sometime. I’ll buy.

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kalow korang rase ade pendapat ke..
tolong komen yer..kongsi..:D



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